i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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