You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize