Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
