I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
