Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
God, I missed his penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
