I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
