My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
