So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
