hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
