Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize