he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this will be a night to untag.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
