Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
