Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
