When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
