i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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