I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
