Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
