There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
