my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
