My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
