He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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