We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
