once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
