I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Damn victory sex feels great
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
