my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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