I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
