Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
