i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
