i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
