Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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