put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my liver is dry heaving
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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