I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
