Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
