Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
