I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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