It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
