I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
