i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
