Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
