I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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