I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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