I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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