Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
