he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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