Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
