Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
