Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize