Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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