Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
