she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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