He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
