Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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