just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
