I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize