he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
