Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
