i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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