Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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