i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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