He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
