I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
