Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
