how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
