Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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