if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
