Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
