everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
