nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
