i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she looked like the before picture.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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