capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We got so high we made milksteak
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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